


Han's Despair

by crystaltongues



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Hurt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-26
Updated: 2015-11-26
Packaged: 2018-05-03 10:35:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5287412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystaltongues/pseuds/crystaltongues
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>#WhereisLuke?<br/>Han attempting to deal with Luke's absence during TFA era.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Han's Despair

The silence was a cavern of hurt and everyday without Luke he fell deeper into the darkness. Before he had come into his life, Han had been unaware of the emptiness around him, but now that he had seen the pureness of those blue eyes he couldn't bare to be alone.

Through the last Jedi Han had learned to love and to make love. Luke always knew how to sooth him, and whether that was just Luke, or if it was the Force, or maybe even both, Han didn't know. Now his days were wasted on missions with no feeling of purpose and with people that didn't matter to him. Luke was his center and when he left it threw Han out into the void. That's where he was now-hanging onto life with the memories of the sweet farmboy's voice.

The balancing act was unraveling his mind. If only the Force could take him back in time to before the...No. He could not allow his mind to replay those events. Not again. The nightmares did that enough. He had tried it all from drinks to sleeping capsules to tranquilizers. Nothing could remove the past or the knife stuck in his heart.

His hand trailed over his abdomen, wishing desperately it was his lover's hand. Perhaps if he only wished hard enough, called upon that mystical Force, it would transport his Jedi Knight back to him. It was a type of homesickness that gnawed at him every second of every day. The only cure would be to lay his head in the crevice of Luke's neck once again. To hear those precious words whispered through a tender kiss.

_I love you._

His finger tips traced down to his groin, drawing light circles.

Could Luke feel his wanting through the Force? How often did the kid miss him and play with himself with the kind of desperation that would move mountains? These questions haunted his hands and pushed him to the breaking point whenever he allowed himself to contemplate them.

He felt the trains in his pants and his hand answered it accordingly. Slow and unwavering, just like Luke would be. Yeah, just like Luke would do if he were here.

Those clear blue eyes would stare up at him with a smile, his mouth too full of Han to breath properly. That warm mouth was mesmerizing and addictive. It was the strongest drug of the universe and Han was dying from withdrawal of his lover.

Han drug his free hand down to where Luke's messy hair would have been. The empty space seemed to lash out at him, mocking his desire for Luke.

“Fuck.” he groaned.

_I need you._

The gentle strokes turned into heaving sobs and the pressure of a thousand oceans sat on his chest. Breathing became harder as the true weight of Luke's absence hit him.

His release covered him but he found that pleasure was scarce. It didn't matter if he simply laid here without cleaning up. Nothing mattered. He shouldn't have to clean it up. That beautiful man always did it with a delighted grin and a quiet giggle.

A fistful of sheets couldn't ease his agitation. The pain gave way to overwhelming anger and without his consent he found his voice screaming out for Luke to come home to him. It would be too many years of this. Too many nights of pathetically stroking his cock alone.

The feeling fell out of his body and his screams became deranged. The only sight his eyes could find in the room around him was Luke's face. It was everywhere. That soft and golden hair, those slender hips, the teasing smile-they all belonged to Han.

Once this started there was no going back from it. The hallowed space beside him drove Han to madness. His friends knew what these episodes meant but it was too dangerous to attempt to comfort Han. It would die down eventually and he would pass into a form of sleep. It was the worst part of these nights alone. The vision's of Luke's pain were shown to him so clearly that he felt the pain physically in his sleep.

_Luke, save me._

As his sobs rocked him into the torment of sleep, Han whispered to himself over and over.

“Come home. Come home. Come home.”

The despair over took him, though he tried to hang onto Luke. His smell. His touch. All of him.

_Luke. Please._


End file.
